Requiescat in Pace – Tosh*

   I note that the British Humanist Association is promoting a booklet entitled “Funerals Without God”.  It is designed to facilitate ceremonies for loved ones which allow us to commemorate them and share the memories they have left behind without any religious committal to an ‘after-life’.  These are required because the BHA sees dying human beings as simply complicated machines that have come to the end of their useful life, just like bison, birds, bees, bicycles and battleships.  On that basis, I wish to make the following announcement:

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   Tony Broad is sad to announce the death of “Tosh” (his Toshiba Satellite Pro TE2000), after a long illness.  Tosh was for many years a dedicated and dependable member of the family.  Some years ago, he had some bouts of ill health, but pulled through thanks to the efforts of Toshiba Platinum Care.  I hope we were not expecting too much of him, but he experienced a slipped disc-drive.  He subsequently underwent major surgery, receiving some transplant organs, and recovered to perform well up to his previous levels.  As happens to all of us, his energy levels started to wane, and for a year or two he has been on permanent mains supply life-support.  Lately, Tosh's memory went completely, so we decided to pull the plug.

   The funeral will be held at Tira Ora Estate on Tuesday 28 September 2010.  Our Apple iMac will read the eulogy (she has the best speakers).  Cremation will follow.  The ashes will go in the compost heap so that we can continue to enjoy Tosh’s contribution over the forthcoming years.

   No flowers please.  Instead please send donations to Brendon Price Computers, Blenheim – I need a new laptop.

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  Seriously though, it is sad that so many more-or-less brilliant minds in the BHA are unable to appreciate the unique nature of the human being.  We are not just machines following the instructions of our genetic software programmes, we are not even just highly-developed animals; we are unique creatures endowed with a unique – and immortal – soul by our Creator God.

   Our death will be a passage through the door to eternity.  Do you know where you are going after that?

* For the uninitiated, “tosh” is British slang for foolish nonsense: very applicable to most of what comes out of the BHA.